The Thursday before Memorial Day weekend, I flew from my home in Jupiter, Florida, back to Oyster Bay, Long Island — the town where I grew up. Nestled about 30 miles from Manhattan, Oyster Bay is the kind of place where history and legacy run deep. It’s also a place where, each Memorial Day, residents gather to honor those who gave their lives in service. While many rush to the Hamptons or Fire Island, I spent the weekend reconnecting with lifelong friends and celebrating the life of one of their mothers, who had just passed away at 84.
She was the matriarch of a loving family and wife of 65 years to a man who happens to be a titan of New York City commercial real estate. He started the business back in 1964, when his firm had just 14 agents. Today, it’s the third-largest commercial real estate company in the world.
At a lunch in her honor at one of her favorite restaurants, Chris and Tony’s, I looked into his eyes as we spoke about his wife. At that moment, he wasn’t a real estate legend — he was a husband, father and grandfather surrounded by his people. His “who.”
That moment stuck with me. It made me reflect on who shows up in your life when it matters. Not just for the celebrations, but also for the goodbyes. And it got me thinking: Who are we showing up for as real estate professionals? Who will invite us to their parents’ funeral? Who will call us when they’ve lost someone and need help managing their estate?
That’s your “who.”
We often hear the phrase “Be their Realtor for life.” But what about after life? Are you the person your clients trust so deeply that they name you in their living trust to handle their properties after they’re gone? Are you the one their families call, knowing you’ll bring professionalism, discretion and care?
If you’re not, chances are it’s their lawyer or a distant connection handling it. You didn’t make it into the circle, but you could have.
Let’s be honest — real estate is more competitive than ever. With affordability challenges and fewer listings, relationships are everything. You don’t just need a bigger CRM — you need deeper relationships. People need to know you care beyond the transaction, that you’re someone who shows up.
Here’s a practical idea: Add a simple question to your client intake or follow-up survey — something like, “Who else in your family would you like us to meet or support with their real estate needs?” It’s a subtle way to deepen the bond and earn trust across generations.
And for those you’ve already helped, reach out to them. Check in. Send a note on the anniversary of their home purchase. If a client passes away, don’t just send flowers; show up.
I’ve decided this will be the focus of the rest of my career: building, serving and protecting my “who.” It’s a small circle, but it’s everything.
And let me be blunt: very few people care that you’re on a committee or that you attended the latest Realtor conference. They won’t remember your last deal or how many agents left your team. They’ll remember how you made them feel. If you were there when it counted.
This isn’t about your “what.” It’s not even about your “why.” It’s your “who” — the people you’re willing to show up for, and who will show up for you.
This summer, I bought tickets to see The Who on their North American farewell tour. Lead singer Roger Daltrey is 81. Guitarist Pete Townshend is 80. Watching clips of their 1969 Woodstock performance — the year I was born — I was reminded that every generation must find its people, its moment, its “who.”
Back then, people lived in the moment. No cellphones. No data tracking. Just music, connection and purpose.
We’re living in a different time now. The world has shifted. Tech is advancing fast. AI and automation are transforming how we work. But in real estate and in life, what will always matter most is who you serve, who you love and who will remember your name when you’re gone.
As Joseph Campbell once said, “A hero is someone who has given his or her life to something bigger than oneself.”
So, who are you showing up for?
Jeff Berger is the founder of the National Association of Gay & Lesbian Real Estate Professionals.
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